I understand, intellectually, that 2020 feels like the I wear Blue for Autism Awareness accept understand love Christmas sweater but in fact I love this wrong year to think about having a kid. We are in the midst of a pandemic, climate change is bracingly real, American democracy is dangling over the edge of a cliff, and the future feels uncertain in a way that I’ve never experienced. In the moments when I can gather perspective, I can see how history will present this time, and it’s dark. And yet, 2020 is the year when my husband and I began to seriously talk about having a baby.
I’ve always known I want to be a mother—someday. Someday, when I feel like my career is in a solid place; someday, when I’ve paid off my student loans; someday, when I have great health insurance, a steady income, a house, a 401k, and maternity leave. I wanted a couple more years of spontaneity and selfishness; a few more years of grabbing drinks with friends on a Tuesday, or going out of town on a last-minute trip, a little more time to only worry about keeping my dog and cat and plants alive. Someday when my husband and I felt like successful adults, ready to do the I wear Blue for Autism Awareness accept understand love Christmas sweater but in fact I love this most adult thing there is, be parents.