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A nurse or doctor would come out every 15 minutes or longer and ask for a name and would loudly ask, ‘what brought you here’ or ‘are you the patient with …….’. I was a bit shocked because I’ve never seen doctors or nurses do that before, especially when privacy is part of good beside manor. Some patients were obviously shocked and where whispering among each other about ‘whether or not that was permitted and might be against protocol’ etc. When a doctor wearing his blue surgical scrubs came out accompanied by this old hag of a nurse who was cross eyed and wearing bifocal glasses and who spoke like some uneducated hillbilly who was married at 14 as a barefoot bride and the doctor called my name I stood up hoping that he wouldn’t shout out my medical issues. Sure enough he asked me, ‘are you the patient with a rash in the crotch area’? I was speechless and I just nodded. The nurse spoke up and asked, ‘gee how did you get that? Did you catch something during sex or failed to shower after’?

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He just pays for the rent and some bills of electricity, gas, water, cellphone services. I never told my mother-in-law how awful about her son. He is the best in her mind and she always give some budget money to her grandchildren when they go back to their house. I don’t mind it because it’s nothing to me anymore. I refuse to go back to their house in many years ago, they still don’t understand why and I don’t know how my husband tell them lies or truths. To tell the truth, I don’t trust them anymore when they talk about me in an underhanded way all the time. They just treat me with their own thoughts. That’s what happened to me in my marriage and I am totally fine now. I am looking forward to be a single since my kids are teenagers already. I need to find a job and restart my life as soon as possible.

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Well there were plenty that I probably never knew about but one does stand out. While I was very close to my grandparents on my dad’s side (Grandma Crossley nearly raised me), I never met my grandparents on my mom’s side. My Grandma Clanton (mom was one of 13 kids!) died when I was only eight years old. My mom went to the funeral in Gadsden, Alabama and brought me back a confederate flag hat and a photo of Grandma Clanton in her casket. This old (and very weird) tradition ended up here in the North (and out West where I was born and raised in California) once photography became easier but it lasted in the South well into the 60’s and 70’s.

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So my only look at Grandma Clanton was her in her casket. She looked pretty good considering she was dead. Well, when mom came home I found out a deep and terrible family secret. Well it may not have been a secret back in Alabama in 1966, but it was to me. Grandpa Clanton (I don’t remember ever seeing a photo of him dead or alive) was not just a lover of the Confederacy, he was a leader in the KKK! I am not sure how high up he was in the Klan, but even at eight years old I knew exactly what it meant to have a Grandfather who definitely burned crosses and may have been involved in much worse things like lynchings down in Alabama!

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I actually did some research on Gadsden recently and it only added to the horror I still have that half of me comes from one of the most if not the most racist state and a family that was probably full of racist killers. That being said, my mom was far from racist and she left the state forever when she turned 18. I met some of my aunts and uncles when I was a teenager and it only convinced me that I was better off leaving all of them alone. It is a dark past but my family raised me (except for my dad) to be a progressive and to hate everything the Confederacy stood for. Alabama has a long way to go and having an idiot like Trump as President for 3 1/2 years has only set places like that way back!

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I was flabbergasted but being in my early 20s and shy to begin with I just stood there wide eyed and I didn’t know what to answer. One older patient, a woman with her adult son, raised her voice and yelled, “are you serious, what kind of doctors are you to shout out something personal like that?” One younger woman shouted out in sarcasm, “Yeah, I’m a prostitute and a porn actress and I got something down there that itches like crazy and I’m also pregnant and I need to know which of the ‘johns’ I screwed is the father of my baby. Make sure you tell everyone here what I do for a living so that they can all stare at me and call me a whore”. Some of the patients laughed while one buff guy, perhaps a construction worker jokingly said, ‘yeah, I’m here because I had too much gay sex with my hockey buddies after a game and I can’t get the puck out of my ass after they stuffed it up there’. A little more laughter followed which eased the tension.

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